did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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