grandma shit on top of the toilet
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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