So drunk its hurt
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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