I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
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My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
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You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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