I look better un-naked...
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
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