The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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