you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
