I think I just saw someone hide a body.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize