we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
and she was petting her beer can
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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