I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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