I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
