I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
