weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
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