I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
