Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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