thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
