she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
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I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
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I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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