Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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