i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
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