i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize