I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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