At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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