Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
