i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
