I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
