i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
