All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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