Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
