I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
