If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
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You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
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and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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