Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
