WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
