Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
