they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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