kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
