Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
