I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
