I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
