hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
