he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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