just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
