i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
