When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
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