Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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