filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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