yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
