im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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