She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
