and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
