She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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