I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
