i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
