It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
