Whod you bang
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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