mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
