A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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