It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
