Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
