Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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