How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
