after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
